Gabs Blabs

Tips on Surviving the Great Depression

I’m a writer, which according to my mom, is a nice hobby.

According to my mom, I “own” a PR/Communications business, which according to me is an impressive way of saying “I can do anything with words, even prostitution. Just pay me. Any amount will do.”

So, how does a writer get through this depression?

Well, what follows is my six-point strategy for making and/or saving and/or wanting money and still having time for hanging out at Facebook (or FunnyOrDie, or MySpace, or the local Dominos, which, in my case, happens to have a broken Galaga arcade game where I can get multiple games for free).

Point One: Advertise your services on Craigslist. On Mondays, I advertise under writing services. If no work comes in, by Friday I go to eBay and sell off a wrench or two from my husband’s workbench.

What? That man hasn’t lifted a tool since George Washington chopped down the cherry tree, which by the way never happened.

Point Two: Save energy. Every day I go through the house and turn off every light, every electronic gizmo and unplug the items I’m not using. Then I lock myself in my office, and turn on my three computers, a printer, a television, a boom box, and an electric room heater to keep my office at a balmy 82 degrees for my pit bull/office mate and me.

Point Three: Scrimp on groceries. According to my mom, during the depression her family got by on potatoes and pasta. Yet, her family always managed to embellish these simple meals with meat that Grandpa would barter for with fruit that he stole from the local fruit vender. And, of course, Grandpa, as he did work for the bootleggers, managed to bring home the occasional bottle of brain-numbing liquid. This helped him and Grandma forget that there was a depression, which leads me to Point Four.

Point Four: Drink more. Ignorance truly is bliss.

Point Five: Don’t complain about the depression. We’re all feeling it – we’re all broke. Talk about the fun things – like getting lucky … or wanting to get lucky. Hey, maybe we’ll even be a little sober and might remember a few things you’ve said.

Point Six: Go into Bunker Mode. Again, advice from my mom: keep to your self and don’t make friends with strangers. People that you think you can trust will start to steal from you. That is unless you steal from them first. Yes, the best place to make friends is online, in the virtual world, where no one is really who they are. Finally, it’s acceptable to have invisible friends!

So there you have my six-point strategy for surviving the Great Depression of the 21st Century! Please, if you are an invisible friend, let me know how these tips work out for you!

If I were Obama ...

If I were Obama, with this being my first day in office, I'd remove all the bushes surrounding the White House. Maybe put in something that blooms, and changes and grows.

Of course, it would have to require minimum pruning.

What's in Your Bucket List?

I’m sitting in my office, multi-tasking, trying to write a couple of articles about Lincoln as well as watch We Are One – The Obama Inaugural Celebration. Tomorrow commemorates a huge, absolutely huge day. Barack Obama will become America’s first black president.

Unfortunately, I’m only catching glimpses of it as my cat keeps standing in front of the monitor. Why do they that?

Today is the birthday of Martin Luther King Jr. Tomorrow, Obama’s first day in office. We are witnessing a key moment in our lives that will be etched in history books to come. This is bigger than when Jimmy Carter was chased out of a boat by a rabbit.

It is about time that America rips up the race card and throws it out … along with Bush, thank you very much. Obama has broken barriers that were once in the history of America, insurmountable.

This goes to show me that nothing, absolutely nothing is impossible. Well, I may never get to be an astronaut. But hell, I could some day be a rocket scientist … I’ve only got about 1,148 semesters until I get my Ph.D. in physics.

I don’t know about you, but I’m inspired. This feeling of motivation I’m sure will be with me until I drink my third bottle of Corona tonight, which says a lot.

I’ve decided to revisit my bucket list. Two, no three, wait, no four items on that list stand out for me. One, blog daily – Guitar Hero will just have to wait ... for now. 

Two, give more of my money to the WWF … not the World Wrestling Federation. The other one - World Wildlife Fund. Although, I do enjoy an occasional smack down. So, maybe I will donate some money to promote a wrestler … what the hell.

Three, (oh, wow, there’s Bruce Springsteen behind my cat’s head. Einstein, LAY DOWN! What a great intro. I love a powerful gospel choir.) I plan to start singing again. I have a set of pipes (I once sang at a jazz festival with Ella Fitzgerald – highlight of my life) and dammit, I’m not going to die saying shoulda, woulda, coulda if you know what I mean. Mary J. Blige and Yolanda Adams are my greatest inspirations. I hope one day to inspire someone the same way. I hope that I’ll inspire them TO sing, and not to say, “That was terrible. Please tell me if I ever make a fool of myself like that.”

Four, community service, community service, community service. I don’t care what it is. Counting my children, I have six usable legs and six usable hands. When I think about all the wonderful things we could do for the community, I get stoked. Meals on Wheels, animal fostering, planting trees, reading to children, care packages for the homeless – the opportunities are endless.  

So, what has this momentous time inspired you to do? What’s on your bucket list? And what are your baby steps to accomplish them this year? And, most importantly, how do you plan to give back to the community this year? Ever consider the WWF?