Boy Shoots Wild Boar

Breaking News!

Jamison Stone killed a 1,000 pound, 10’7” pig! I am not talking about Rosie O’Donnell here. This boar roamed wild in Alabama. Yes, I am certain we are not talking about Rosie O’Donnell. I had my fact-checker, Tad Twang, make sure of that.

Stone is an 11-year-old boy who claims that he, single-handedly, did the deed of killing this boar with a Smith and Wesson 500. According to some, this would be the largest boar ever killed. (For the record, a third party has not corroborated Stone’s claims.) It took eight shots to kill Wilbur. Interesting, considering that the Model 500 only carries five rounds. What a precocious boy Stone is, that he can load a Model 500 with such speed. Dad must be proud!

All here who think this story is true, raise your right hand, and repeat after me, “I will not believe everything I read. I’m going to learn to think for myself.”

Stone’s dad posted viewer comments on monsterpig.com, which are quite fun to read. It just reaffirms my view that guns and religion do go together. For the record, I don’t own a gun. Pray for my soul.

Rhonda Shearer of StinkyJournalism.org has done some fact checking of her own. Through her own resources and the resources of StinkyJ, they believe that Stone’s father doctored the photos to garner media attention. Jeremy J. Miller says, “It must also be said that Rhonda Shearer, our publisher and director of ASRL who reported this story, appealed to the Stones before our report ran (and before their appearances on several national television programs) to talk openly about the case. She was very clear about the intent of her inquiries and asked for more evidence by which to evaluate their claim. Mr. Stone told her that other photos at the scene had been destroyed because they were “unflattering” to  him.”

Unflattering? You think so? Well, the site was painful on the eyes. No, it wasn’t because I was appalled at the mindless slaughtering of a pig that was minding his own business in his own “home.” Nor was Mr. Stone’s Web site difficult to view because of the disturbing images of a dad so proud of his gun-totin’ son. No, the most difficult part of the Web site was looking at an 11-year-old with a DOUBLE CHIN!

 

Ya know, instead of pork tonight, maybe the family should opt for the all-you-can-eat salad bar at Sizzler. I hear on Saturdays, they have entertainment. That’s right! It’s called Miss Sizzler Saturday Night. While you eat, you can watch the lovely, large ladies walk back and forth to the salad bar. And back and forth. And back and forth.

Now, how can I garner this kind of media attention?