CAUTION: Read when drunk

I've been tagged? Peggy Tibbetts, the wonderful author of "Rumors of War" tagged me with a MeMe. So, now I'm it.

As an "it" I have to post eight random facts/truths about myself. Get a drink and brace yourself.

1. I’m funnier than my husband. Although, he did have his friends rolling last night when he explained the following: “The reason why two of Gab’s ex-boyfriends went gay on her is because when she was in high-school, she was in the head start program for gays. You know, the Drama Club. She spent so many years in this head start program, that it broke her gaydar.” 

2. Fact number three: When I was dating my husband, I told him he wouldn’t be getting “any (nudge, nudge, wink, wink)” unless he voted Democrat. He quickly converted.

3. Fact number two: As a kid, I had a bloodhound dog named General Stonewall Jackson who sang to the harmonica. He could sing in English and in Polish.

4. I am 4’9”. This was a deliberate choice on my part. Yes, I chose to be 4’9” because I delight in bitching about the height of my kitchen cabinets.

5. When I was in high school, I worked at Orange Julius. None of my co-workers knew my dad. So, at night, at the end of my shift, my dad would walk in (dressed in his garage grubbies) and pretend to be a homeless drunk. He would say, “Hey, pretty lady, do you have any food to spare?” I would retort, “Listen, you stupid lazy man, get a job, get some money, and feed yourself. Now get outa here!” Ah, good times.

6. I can touch my nose with my tongue.

7. I’m with Peggy on wanting a new pet. I REALLY want a goat named Copernicus.   

8. I once delivered a Strip-O-Gram for Eastern Onion. It was a disaster. The man was very old, and, sadly, in a wheel chair. His family had a small dinner for him at his house. The mood was quiet – definitely not the setting for a Strip-O-Gram. I danced around the dining room for him and only stripped down to a negligee - I refused to take off more. The only response I got was a little bit of drool dripping from his mouth. When I finished, you could hear the crickets chirping outside. After my show, I thanked my blue-haired audience and walked out. The guy who hired me followed me out, and gave me a $100 tip. Not bad for making an old guy drool!

OK, so who’s next? Hmmm Paloma, Joe, Fran, Morgan, Michelle, Sean, and, hmmm (oh what the hell - why not) Mr. Dave Barry. Oops, that’s only seven. Oh well, fuzzy math.

Comments

[Peggy Tibbetts]

Hey, what are blogs for but silly MeMes. Great list. You must have a stool in every room in the house -- I do and I'm 5'3".
No, you DO NOT want a goat. I had 3 and they eat EVERYTHING and walk all over your car.
A strip-o-gram! You hussy! LOL Too funny ...

[Paloma Campos]

1. As a teenager I had my very own Drama Club and I was the only member. I often wore black and wrote crappy poetry. I spent a lot of time by myself. I had no need for gaydar.

2. I think you let the cat out of the bag with this one... I know what I am going to be saying to my future husband.

3. When I was a kid I had a TURTLE named "ELTRUT". His greatest feat was eating snails out of my mom's hands.

4. I used to be 5'4", now I am 5'5". I grew an inch this year straightening out my crooked back.

5. When I was in highschool I worked the Del Taco Drive-thru. It was not too bad: I gained 15 lbs. and looked so sexy in my turquoise T-shirt and red baseball cap that I snagged a boyfriend for five years.

6. I can bend my knees backwards and climb stairs like a cat.

7. Goat crap looks like chocolate astronaut ice cream... I'm just saying...

8. One day when I was in Middle School in my cooking class I was setting the table when this tall lanky guy came up from behind me and pressed his hard-on on me, leaned over my shoulder, and drooled directly on the plate I was putting down.