Gabs Blabs

The Butthead in the Bubble

Smell that stink? Know what it is?

It's the Bush bubble leaking. It's that bubble that currently encapsulates the White House and President Jerky. Of course, it will be patched with Cheney's fat ass before the odor gets too far out of control.

I can smell it, though. Currently, it smells like the new children's health program that Bush opposes.

See, Bush has decided to limit state health coverage for children that are from middle-income families. He believes that these children need to be uninsured for a year before they can participate in the State Children's Health Insurance Program (SCHIP). Instead, ONLY lower-income children will get SCHIP privileges. In other words, families that are "just above the poverty line (bringing in $43,000/year)" can't utilize state coverage, even if they aren't provided insurance by their employers. Instead, they have to dole out, hmmm, about $43,000 for a doctor's visit to keep their child healthy.

First, HELLO OUR STUPID PRESIDENT, most of the country is "just above the poverty line." Oh, wait, he can't see that. It appears his rose-colored glasses are super-glued to his Styrofoam filled head.

Second, it is an absolutely LUDICROUS idea to require children to be without health insurance, whether it be for one year or one damn day!!!

I can see it now – middle-income schools filled with sick uninsured children, coughing, hacking, sharing germs. Diseases spreading, teachers and parents getting sick. Parents with no health insurance paying more money to cover their illnesses. It's a slope that is more slippery than Bush's Teflon brain.

Speaking of his teeeeeeeeeny, tiiiiiiiiiiiny brain, clearly Bush didn't pay attention in Biology 101 in high school, especially when his teacher discussed the human immune system. Apparently, he doesn't seem to remember that children's immune systems are still developing. The chances that a child's cold could develop into an infection, say bronchitis, are much more likely than for an adult. Children can't fight off infections quite as easily.

But, President Butthead has decided that if middle income children get sick, their parents will have to sell the house to pay for their health bills. Either that, or sell the house to pay for private health insurance. Either way, his plan puts those that are "just above the poverty line" into a state of poverty.

Hmmmm. Does anyone else see this? It is the rich getting richer, the poor getting poorer and the dumb getting dumber.

Wait, the story gets even better! The House SCHIP bill currently in Congress (pushed by Democrats AND Republicans) offers to increase the federal cigarette tax by 45 cents a pack to increase funding for SCHIP by about $50 billion over five years. Great idea! Awesome! But, get this, our jackass of a leader has said he would veto the measure. Bush has proposed only a $5 billion increase over five years for SCHIP, which would raise the program's total five-year funding to only $30 billion. The bastard said he would veto the House and Senate versions of the bill.

Our peanut-head leader has decided that, well, it is just too much money to take care of our health care system and now our children. Instead, it's more important to forge forward with a war that costs our country billions and billions of dollars. Mmmm, good thinking George and Dicky. Save the oil, not our children. You're both idiots.

OK, I'm not a great historian, but I know a little about political science. Washington, Jefferson and Roosevelt would be repulsed at the job that our current president is doing. I know I am. Just another reason to go to the doctor.

Forbes and the Real Fake Steve

Well, it's day three of the Daniel Lyons fallout and I'm still intrigued by it all. I'm fascinated by Daniel Lyons - he's frickin' hilarious. One of my favorites was when FSJ meets Fergie about iTunes and "some promotional stuff."

She kept licking her lollipop and saying, "Wapasennahmanagit? Hmmmm? Wapasennahmanagit?" And I was like, Excuse me, I'm sorry, but could you speak English? Finally her lawyer just told me, "Fergie would like to know what percent of sales she will receive as a royalty." So I said it was all spelled out in the term sheet, she'll get the same as everyone else, it's kind of a standard deal. So she comes over and leans over the table in front of me like some kind of lap dancer, showing me her panties -- and her cottage cheesy cellulite, which I really didn't need to see first thing in the morning -- and looks over her shoulder, holding the lollipop on her tongue, and she goes, in that same baby voice, "Wazzagirlie gonnageeet? Wapasennahmanageeeeet?" I think she actually believed she could get a better deal by showing me her ass or something. I was like, Lady, I gotta go, just deal with my lawyers and good luck with your "career," such as it is. I actually did the finger quote thing.

Anyhoo (as FSJ would say), the element of this whole fall-out that I love the most is Forbes' publisher, Rich Karlgaard's response to the revelation. Karlgaard knew for months about the real identity of FSJ. However, just a year ago he was speculating that FSJ was John Hodgman. When asked if he was mad when Lyons revealed his secret identity, his response was, "Angry? Dan had pulled off one of the great spoofs in journalism. I had a ringside seat to the show. Dan and I laughed for days."   

As FB (Fake Bono) would say, "I fookin' love this."

Why? Because Karlgaard can laugh at the situation. Er, wait, was that the Real Rich Karlgaard or the Fake Rich Karlgaard?

Anyhoo, it takes a bigger person to laugh at themselves and a potentially sticky situation. Karlgaard could have fired Lyons, but he didn't. He rolled with it. Karlgaard knows good PR when he sees it. Clearly he sees, that at this juncture, everyone is laughing - even Bill Gates and ... Steve Jobs' daughter. By laughing at the situation, and capitalizing on it (Lyons is now writing a book about FSJ), Karlgaard is going to see a completely new audience filter in to Forbes.com.

Fookin' ingenious!

Clearly, in this blogging age, we are seeing a shift in public relations. The message? LIGHTEN UP! Don't take yourselves so serious. Whether you are Bill Gates or Bill Smith, Hillary Clinton or Dicky Cheney, if you come across as uptight you WILL become fodder for public mocking.

So, to my fellow PR peers, what have we learned from this lesson? Be honest with yourselves, be honest with your clients and make your clients be honest with the rest of the world.

Well, Fake Steve is busted. Daniel Lyons, my hero and a senior editor at Forbes magazine is the real Fake Steve Jobs.

You have to read his blog.  I've laughed so hard at times that I've had stomach cramps for the rest of the day.

Pure genius. Absolutely hilarious!

http://fakesteve.blogspot.com