Do Something Obama CAN'T Do!

The Associated Press published a riveting article … OK, not really riveting, it was just more like one of those articles that needed to get out because a deadline was looming … about "What Clinton Must Do to Win."

Clearly, AP needed to fill up some space because the responses varied from Congressmen to a third grade teacher from Ohio. What is the world of journalism coming to when AP turns to people like a third-grade teacher from Ohio? It sounds like AP is taking crap-journalism lessons from Barbara Walters.

Anyhoo, the list is long (again, deadline … wasted space), and the responses asinine, such as "Show Passion," "Remember Iraq," "Go Negative," "Maybe Not," "Grass-Roots Organize," and "Steady as She Goes."

I love this! It's like armchair quarterbacking for politics … from every "expert" including a third grade teacher from Ohio … sorry for the repeat … that one irks me. Probably because I'm not on this panel. Know why I'm not on this panel? Because my responses make the most sense!

Hillary, here is what I think you need to do to win this election:

MORE BOOBS – OK, everyone knows that sex sells. I've seen your rack … for an old broad it isn't that bad. I say, wear low cut and see-through shirts. Show some boobage. Men don't give a crap what you have to say Hillary; they just want to look at your boobs. That's all they want to do with all of us women – look at our boobs. The words coming out of our mouths are meaningless. If you want to get a man to do ANYTHING for you, show more boobs. That's how I get my husband to take out the trash and put his shoes in the closet.

SHOCK JOURNALISM – People love to be shocked … that's why they watch the crap local news every night. So, instead of going on and on about how you are going to fix the budget, and provide everyone health care, bring up 9/11 again, bring up the Illinois shooting, bring up Iraq. Make us all feel shocked and despondent. And, then show us your boobs to make us all feel better.

BRITNEY SPEARS – Hang out with Britney. It worked for Adnan, it worked for Lutfi and it worked for Brit's mom. It's simple math … one paparazzi pic with Britney will boost your interest ratings by 150%. My suggestion? Go hang out at RiteAid in the Family Planning aisle with her, maybe get a tattoo together, or better yet, have a make-out session with her. That'll definitely get the male vote!

FEEL THE BREEZE – Speaking of Britney, try going out one night without panties. Oh, er, better yet, don't. The boobs are nice. You're kind of old … we'll leave it at that.

HAVE AN AFFAIR – Have a one-nighter with someone hot, someone that every woman and man would sleep with regardless of their sexual orientation … like George Clooney. Nah, we're a puritanical country. Crap like that only works in France (see Suck-Assy picture below ... sorry, I mean Sarkozy).

INVENT SOMETHING … ELSE – Al Gore invented the Internet, George W. Bush invented the dumbest President, ever, and we all know that you invented the pantsuit. Invent something else … something new … something original … like a mass voting machine that will rig the votes (particularly in Florida) so that the Supreme Court will rule that you're the President.

Oh, wait, that's been done. Oh, I know, how about The Victoria Secret Presidential Bra … that way we can see more of your boobs.

See! Boobs! I'd vote for her!

So, there's my two cents. Good luck Hill!